So I did it! What’s this momentous occasion you wonder? I finally went grocery shopping for the first time in September! The first couple of weeks weren’t bad at all… I still had leftovers from the parents’ visit and lots of odds and ends in the freezer. Then I really had to get creative. By last week, I was pretty desperate. I had eaten way too much take-out and a few too many dinners consisting entirely of pretzels and diet coke. But yesterday I hit rock bottom…
I stopped at the drugstore on the way to work to grab something to take for lunch. I spied something that looked edible on the bottom shelf of the fridge case. I squatted down to check it out… but I suddenly found myself eye-to-eye with a big, nasty dill pickle. This thing was practically yellow and swimming in a plastic pouch of rancid pickle essences and juices. I gagged. This isn’t something I’d ever want to be 6 inches away from… and especially not at 6:30 in the morning! Mental note: Must. Buy. Food. Today.
That pickle scared me straight. I will never be without food in the house again. I plan on spending my whole life avoiding that pickle. You know that thing will still be there when I die… mocking me from its juicy hyperbaric chamber.
Laughing so hard, I just might pee...