I’m so glad that I have nieces rather than nephews.  I wouldn’t know what to do with boys.  They really just seem to run around and make a lot of noise in their free time.  Girls, however, are much more creative and fun!  We had to get pretty resourceful, but in our 12 days together my nieces and I did all kinds of fun stuff together.

Every day we spent some time writing stories.  We’d write quietly, then stop to brainstorm ideas together or read the latest addition.  When we finished our books, we gathered the family together after dinner and read our stories… followed by a question and compliment session (they wanted compliments, not comments lol).

Even though we’re all too old for it, we played with Play-Doh every day, too.  We made all sorts of tiny doh desserts for our imaginary bakeries… cupcakes, cinnamon rolls, pies, cakes, croissants, fortune cookies, etc.  Then we’d email each other every day with bakery promotions and reviews from the critics.  How cute is that?

Another big part of each day was the dog hotel we set up in my mom’s built-in closet.  We used all my old Barbie furniture and the girls’ stuffed dogs to create a posh canine vacation spot.  Each dog got a special therapeutic bed made from Lincoln Logs in their penthouse suite.  We even put the dogs on ribbon leashes and took them out for a drag walk outside.

Then, of course, there was the dress up day when we dragged out my old dance costumes. We also made charm bracelets with beads and tiny scanned photos of the pets in the family.  AND they spent many days trying to beat me at Pac-Man and Mappy, too… emphasis on tried.

I can’t imagine any boys wanting to do these types of things.  Well, maybe the video games… but the old school ones probably wouldn’t be stimulating enough to hold their interest long.  There probably would have been less bickering in the house with boys, but how many days can you really spend aimlessly running around the yard?

My father suddenly passed away this month.  I decided to try and write through my grief, but the posts don’t really belong here.  I created a new blog to host these thoughts.  I know there are friends who want to know what I’m going through… and there are friends who know exactly what I’m going through.  Either way, you’re welcome to join me.  xo

I was just in a drive-thru line waiting for my chopped salad and lemonade for lunch… and the guy ahead of me (in a royal blue corvette, go figure) opened his door and spit on the pavement.  Actual saliva… not even tobacco (although that’s just as gross).  Really?  Guys still do that?  Did I miss a day in health class where they showed us that men create more spit than women?  Do you really need to mark the drive-thru lane as your territory?  Is half-wit hillbilly the image we’re really going for now?

Guys…  if you’re out in the forest shootin’ up deer and skinnin’ ‘possum, then go ahead and have a spit to solidify your manly experience.  But out here in the nice, clean suburbs… keep all bodily fluids to yourself.  Spitting doesn’t make you look manly… it makes you look stupid… and gross.  Stop it.  (Although, blue corvette was already looking stupid and gross sans spit.  Ohhhh snap!)

I’ve got some issues with most of today’s parents (shocker).  I just got back from vacation with some friends, including a family with 3 young children.  What a maddening experience… I really can’t believe that people live their lives in complete hell, negotiating every single activity with their children.  The constant negotiating really sucks the joy out of just about everything.  So, I have a few tips for parents out there:

1.  TV makes your kids dumb.  You know this.  It’s bad enough they watch too much at home… but do you really need to watch it in the car on the way to the bank, too?  I don’t care if it’s the only peace you get.  Maybe you need to look into that issue (your kids being brats) instead of slapping a big brain cell killing band-aid over it.  Whatever happened to books and music?

2.  Your kids do not need to make every household decision.  “Do you want waffles or cereal for breakfast.  OK, round waffles or square waffles?  OK, squishy or crunchy?”  For the love of God!  What you should be making for breakfast is whatever you have the time and supplies for… and whatever is best for the kids’ nutrition.  If they don’t eat it, too bad.  Put some foil over it and save it for when they start begging for a snack in an hour.  LOL  Won’t that piss them off?  Gotta love it.

3.  Stop negotiating over food.  “Take two more big bites or no dessert.  If you want more chips, you need to eat three more grapes.”  No.  If you put proper portions on their plates, then they should be expected to finish it.  If they don’t, then they get no seconds of their favorites and certainly no dessert.  Again, put some foil over the plate and save it for when they want a snack in an hour.  They will eat when they’re hungry.  And there’s no such thing as a chip and dessert deficiency… you’re doing your kids a favor by skipping them.

4.  It’s ok to say no.  In fact, dare I say, it’s GOOD to say no to your kids.  What a valuable life lesson:  you can’t get everything you want just by pouting and yelling… some things take hard work and patience.  The people that you hate at work are the ones who never heard no as a child.

5.  STOP WITH THE IDLE THREATS ALREADY!  “If you do that again, you will lose a privilege.  Do it again and lose a privilege.  One more time and you lose a privilege.”  Dude.  The kid knows you’re bluffing.  We all do.  Nothing undermines your authority more than when you threaten something and never follow through.  Honestly, you are better off ignoring the behavior altogether.  AND should you finally decide you’ve given enough “warnings”, that kid KNOWS they can negotiate their way out of the punishment anyway.  Don’t waste your breath.  If you aren’t going to be consistent, then shut up and let me sip my daiquiri in peace.

You are the grown-ups.  Take charge of your lives.  Be fair and consistent.  You will be far less stressed out if you establish yourselves as the authority in your household.  Your children will love and respect you for being the stable force in their lives, I promise.

I think I just watched the making of a future serial killer at Target. I am the first to admit that I am VERY judgy regarding many of the parents I see in public and how they treat/monitor their kids… but this lady would have made Hannibal Lector a bit uneasy.

I was engrossed in reading every sunscreen label in the aisle when she first surfaced.  She had a small boy in the basket part of the cart and a young girl trailing behind.  I made an assumption that she was their grandmother, but this turned out to be false.  They passed behind me in the aisle quietly… then she got to the end and I heard her start fussing.  She had one of those deep, raspy smokers’ voices that gives you the chills.  It turned out that the little girl paused at my cart and was nosing into what I had.  The woman freaked out… not about her rudeness… but about the fact that she had lagged 4 feet behind her mother.  She nagged on and on about how someone would come along and steal her away if she left her side.  Yikes.

Two minutes later, I heard her again.  “Don’t do THAT!  You’re going to split your head open then I’ll have to take you to the hospital for stitches.  Is that what you want?”  Yikes.

Another two minutes went by… “THAT is the most disgusting thing in the world. I can’t believe you just did that.  That’s disgusting.  You are going to get so sick now we’ll have to take you to the hospital.  If you do that again I’m just going to leave you here!”  (I’m guessing he ate a booger or something here… or licked the cart… who knows?)  Then she shouted, “That’s IT!”  The boy began desperately crying and begging, “Please don’t, mama… please!”  “One more time and I’m leaving you here.”  Yikes!

This same conversation happened at least 2 more times… her chastising him for being filthy and disgusting and threatening to leave him.  Then sobs and begging from the child.  These poor kids must be terrified of the world around them.  Everything they touch will result in a trip to the hospital.  Every stranger is a kidnapper.  If they misbehave, their mom will abandon them.  I was sick to my stomach.  I probably should have said something.  =(  If this kid isn’t constructing a “woman skin suit” in his basement by the time he’s 30, I’ll be shocked.

Today I chewed a piece of gum for the first time in over 6 months.  I love gum… I go through a mega pack in a week.  Why the 6 month hiatus?  Let’s just say I’ve had a little dental trouble lately (understatement of the year)… thus the massive loads of Excedrin mentioned in a previous post.  LOL

I’ll spare you the excruciating details and just give you a summary:  mind-numbing pain, swollen jaw, nasty infection, antibiotics, 2 trips to the endodontist, 7 visits with the dentist, and $3400 in bills… for what we now refer to as “the epic tooth”.

P.S.  Endodontists are extremely sadistic (and necessarily so).

P.P.S.  The little punk behind the pharmacy counter had the nerve to say, “This seems like a small dose  for someone……. ((long pregnant pause))……. YOUR age.”

P.P.P.S.  I got to keep the plaster mold of my mouth!  Yay!