As a teacher, the debate I constantly find myself in the middle of regards No Child Left Behind. It’s a paradox – it, in fact, leaves a LOT of children behind!

If you are an early learner with average abilities, you are set! If you struggle or are bright… you are left behind. Once you turn 9 or 10… you are left behind. So they need to change the name to “No Average Child between the ages of 5-8 Left Behind”.

NCLB doesn’t take into account socio-economic issues, either. Apparently, children should all learn at the same rate, regardless of any other influences in their lives. That’s news to me. Forget all the research on the culture of poverty and its negative effects on learning… we’re not going to give you money to bring in programs you need to address it… we’re going to punish you instead and take money away! That’ll fix it. Hmmm… “No Average Middle Class Child between the ages of 5-8 Left Behind”

I find it convenient that the span of the NCLB program is 10 years. Just long enough to run into the next president’s term. If it happens to be a Republican (dear God… let’s hope not), they will swiftly change to a new initiative so we forget about NCLB and the fact that students haven’t made “adequate progress”. If it’s a Democrat (go Obama!), the Republicans will quickly point out that education did not meet the standard under the NEW administration (even though it’s Bush’s demon seed).

And the other thing that bothers me is people automatically assume that, because I’m a teacher, I oppose NCLB because I’m being held accountable. I’m all for accountability and being highly qualified… that doesn’t bother me one bit. (Umm… hello? Two master’s degrees, TYVM!) I’m not here to be George W.’s puppet. I don’t care about the tests. I care about the students and what they need… and that will always be my focus. Suck it, George.

You HAVE to visit this site to read a parody called “No Dentist Left Behind”… http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/no-dentist.html

WHO would send their 8 year-old on the BUS with two packages of CUPCAKES?!?! No, seriously, who?

I had a student show up with her birthday cupcakes this morning. *Most* parents would deliver the cupcakes. *Most* parents would send something travel-friendly if they couldn’t deliver the treats. Cookies, candy, fruit treats, beef jerky, assorted gourmet cheeses… any of these would be fine. But this child’s family decided to throw common sense out the window today (well maybe this happened years ago, not today) and send cupcakes on the bus. Sigh…

Now imagine what these things look like. They’ve all fallen out of their compartment to one side (since she carried them sideways in a grocery bag the whole way). The hot pink frosting has slid off each one and formed one giant frosting ball in the middle. The poor girl was so bummed when she saw what they looked like!

That’s when I have to go into cheerleader/counselor mode. “I’m sorry you’re sad, but they’ll still taste really good and they’ll be more fun to eat this way!” “Look how excited everyone is!” “I’m sorry your cupcakes are all jacked up!” “I’m sorry your mom is a moron!” LOL OK maybe not those last couple, but I was definitely thinking them.

I’m not complaining (too much). I’ve had worse birthday treat surprises in the past. I can’t tell you how many cakes have arrived with nothing to serve them with or on. Or all the homemade treats (which we aren’t allowed to serve). That’s really rough to tell a student that he can’t pass out his cookies because we’re afraid of how dirty his house is. LOL

But my ALL TIME FAVORITE birthday treat sent in by a parent is… (drum roll please)
RAW GROUND BEEF AND HAMBURGER BUNS! (cymbal crash)

Yes, that’s right. Mommy wanted me to fry up some burgers for the class. ROFL Come on… you CAN’T make this stuff up.

So all you parents out there… PLEASE send low maintenance treats to school! And for you teachers… I’m sending a little extra blessing out to you on those dreaded birthdays.