Well, my blogaversary was Wednesday… the only reason I remember this is because MY DOMAIN EXPIRED. Here I was naively signing in to post something… completely oblivious to the drama that was about to unfold… and snarkykitten was GONE! *Gasps* I actually panicked. Not only had the domain expired… but I couldn’t remember the login for it or the email associated with it. LOL It never occurs to me to write these things down. And it’s not like I have one of those amazing photographic memories. I forget stuff… a lot. But say I had written it down… the paper would be lost right now anyway… so save the lectures, people! This is why I need a personal assistant… to keep track of life’s daily annoyances for me.

AND… all I really came to say was… SNOWWWWWW DAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Woohoooooooo! Now I can catch up on things that a personal assistant would normally do for me

(I apologize if you were also greeted with a cat food ad instead of my wonderful musings over the last couple of days. *Winks* Special thanks to Shep and Kseniya for helping me get my domain back!)

A few odd things that only my tightest homies (lol) know about me (and now you):

- I have two master’s degrees.  Yes, that’s right… TWO!  I is smart.  Actually… the hardest part about graduate school is paying for it… oh… and keeping myself… from using… ellipses… in my thesis…

- I have had half of a sewing needle stuck in the bottom of my left foot for 20 years.  You could say I’m the bionic woman… and man my bionic foot ached today… the price of being a superhero, I suppose.

- My Commodore64 was the greatest thing I’ve ever owned.  I miss it.  Typing 8,798,479 lines of code to get it to print my name across the screen… that’s some fine, quality fun.  Perhaps today’s kids need C64′s.  They are so used to instant gratification… I think hours of work for a very small payout would be a good life lesson… in fact, the best life lesson.  Can I get an amen?

- When I was 15, I danced on second base and home plate on opening day in Comiskey Park… WITH Mickey Mouse and the gang.  I know, right?  What’s sad is… I can still recall all of the songs and could probably fake my way through the whole routine today.  (To the tune of “I Need a Hero”… 5-6-7-8… Where have all the heroes gone, yes we are here to say… a guy like Joe DiMaggio would really make our day…)  LOL!

- One of my jobs in college involved being a “Professional Bra Fitter”.  Jealous?  AND I had a snazzy ribbon attached to my ID badge stating that I had earned this prestigious title.  Unfortunately, it meant I also had to measure a few racks… but that’s a whole other blog entry waiting to happen.  A friend recently asked if I had to undergo any further training to keep my certificate valid.  Of course!  I’m hoping to get endorsed in moobs next.

Are these the defining moments of my life?  Not so much.  Conversation starters?  Sometimes.  Reasons why I should be in therapy?  Absolutely.

… to my Big Book of Grievances.

He left me the nastiest note this weekend… something along the lines of “Bitch, pick up your mail!” And what’s worse… he kidnapped all my mail and took it back to his lair (the post office). I had to go and wait in a 20 minute line with Toothless Tommy and Stands Too Close Sally.

“I’m here to pick up my mail,” I stated with confidence to the woman behind the counter. “Was it on vacation hold?” she inquired. I shrunk a bit as I murmured, “No, I got in trouble for my mailbox being too full.” She lumbered off and was gone for what seemed like an eternity. I was expecting her to come out dragging one of those huge “fan mail” sized sacks… but it was a modest little bag… just slightly bigger than a barf bag. (Which is so appropriate as my mail makes me want to barf!) I was expecting a lecture, instead she complained about one of the jerks in the back (no doubt, my mailman).

That blasted mailman… he’s forgotten about the time that he left me two books of stamps when I only paid for one… and I returned the extra book to him with a pleasant note. That was the honeymoon phase, I guess. A note alone would have shamed me into being more punctual with my mail… but he had to involve an errand… to the post office! *shudders*

I don’t have any power to do anything in retaliation… and now I have to walk the 10 miles down to my mailbox to pick up my mail every day or my life will be in danger… but I CAN secretly loathe him from afar… and I plan on doing just that. (I’m sure the feeling is mutual!)

A dark shadow has fallen upon the snarky kingdom.  I’m beyond depressed.  Is it the economy?  No.  Seasonal Affective Disorder?  I wish.  A plague of boils and locusts?  I could be so lucky.  What I have to share with you is much more apocalyptic than any of these.

MILLER HAS STOPPED PRODUCING ZIMA!   *Collapses*

OK… I know you’re thinking, “Wait… they were still making it?” And yes they were.  I haven’t had it in years, but it was always there on the beer shelf like an old favorite blanket.  It was comforting to know that my all time favorite beverage would always be there for me (even though it hasn’t been socially acceptable in a long time).  Sometimes I would stare at it longingly as I passed by… too embarrassed to buy it.  I was waiting for its comeback.

I have so many fond memories of Zima.  Road trips, nights out, nights in, smuggling 40 oz. Zima’s into the movies.  (ROFL… yes, they made 40′s.)  When it was new, everybody drank it… even boys!  It really was a great drink.., not as bitter and filling as beer… not as sweet and thick as other girly drinks.  “Zomething Different” the ads would affirm.  *Sigh*

This morning, an email was instantly circulated among my closest friends with the subject “OMG BAD NEWS”.  We will be buying every 6- pack of Zima we can get our hands on so that we can have a bon voyage party for Zima… to lay our dear friend to rest.  *Hears Taps playing in the background*

I feel absolutely awful!  My last frog died today.  After wishing her demise yesterday, I feel REALLY guilty now.

I love animals… I have more compassion for them than I do for people many times.  I feel very cold-hearted for being happy to see these pets go.  In my defense, I even get upset when a harmless pixel animal gets killed in WoW… I have actually uttered the phrase, “Oh no, I killed a frog!”  Oh, the irony!

I’m sure there’s some sort of karmic retribution waiting for me, as a result of my evil thoughts…

Tomorrow is the dreaded family birthday party for a one-year-old child… except it’s not even my family.  My friend always has these huge family parties for her kids… and then she invites her 5 single girlfriends, too.  No other friends… just us.  Talk about awkward!  The only good part is that I didn’t hear about it until yesterday… so I’ve only had a day and a half to dread it.  A friend of mine said, “Prepare for the huge party sub.”  Another responded, “A big sandwich, kool-aid, and a moon jumper… oh my!”  I really lead a glamorous life.  *winks*