I think I just watched the making of a future serial killer at Target. I am the first to admit that I am VERY judgy regarding many of the parents I see in public and how they treat/monitor their kids… but this lady would have made Hannibal Lector a bit uneasy.

I was engrossed in reading every sunscreen label in the aisle when she first surfaced.  She had a small boy in the basket part of the cart and a young girl trailing behind.  I made an assumption that she was their grandmother, but this turned out to be false.  They passed behind me in the aisle quietly… then she got to the end and I heard her start fussing.  She had one of those deep, raspy smokers’ voices that gives you the chills.  It turned out that the little girl paused at my cart and was nosing into what I had.  The woman freaked out… not about her rudeness… but about the fact that she had lagged 4 feet behind her mother.  She nagged on and on about how someone would come along and steal her away if she left her side.  Yikes.

Two minutes later, I heard her again.  “Don’t do THAT!  You’re going to split your head open then I’ll have to take you to the hospital for stitches.  Is that what you want?”  Yikes.

Another two minutes went by… “THAT is the most disgusting thing in the world. I can’t believe you just did that.  That’s disgusting.  You are going to get so sick now we’ll have to take you to the hospital.  If you do that again I’m just going to leave you here!”  (I’m guessing he ate a booger or something here… or licked the cart… who knows?)  Then she shouted, “That’s IT!”  The boy began desperately crying and begging, “Please don’t, mama… please!”  “One more time and I’m leaving you here.”  Yikes!

This same conversation happened at least 2 more times… her chastising him for being filthy and disgusting and threatening to leave him.  Then sobs and begging from the child.  These poor kids must be terrified of the world around them.  Everything they touch will result in a trip to the hospital.  Every stranger is a kidnapper.  If they misbehave, their mom will abandon them.  I was sick to my stomach.  I probably should have said something.  =(  If this kid isn’t constructing a “woman skin suit” in his basement by the time he’s 30, I’ll be shocked.

Today I chewed a piece of gum for the first time in over 6 months.  I love gum… I go through a mega pack in a week.  Why the 6 month hiatus?  Let’s just say I’ve had a little dental trouble lately (understatement of the year)… thus the massive loads of Excedrin mentioned in a previous post.  LOL

I’ll spare you the excruciating details and just give you a summary:  mind-numbing pain, swollen jaw, nasty infection, antibiotics, 2 trips to the endodontist, 7 visits with the dentist, and $3400 in bills… for what we now refer to as “the epic tooth”.

P.S.  Endodontists are extremely sadistic (and necessarily so).

P.P.S.  The little punk behind the pharmacy counter had the nerve to say, “This seems like a small dose  for someone……. ((long pregnant pause))……. YOUR age.”

P.P.P.S.  I got to keep the plaster mold of my mouth!  Yay!

I was out with my girlfriends the other night when one of them informed us that her cousin was in the hospital down the road about to pop out a baby. The next morning, we got the email announcing the good news and all the baby’s details. She even attached a picture of the baby… fresh out of the “oven”… ummmmmmmmmm…

Let me just preface this by saying that newborns are not cute… at least not until they’re all cleaned up and had a couple of days to cure. Until then, they are little, red, shriveled-up, angry alien-type things. Sure they’re a blessing and a miracle and blah blah blah… but they’re not pretty… don’t even TRY to tell me otherwise. Why parents insist on inflicting the angry alien pics on others (especially a bunch of single girls who don’t want kids) I will never understand. Give us AND your kid a break. Back to my point… this child was literally JUST born when this picture was snapped… laying there all red and angry and naked on the scale. *shudders*

That’s not even the worst part. When I opened the pic, my eyes were immediately drawn to only one thing… his huge, red, swollen, protruding balls. That’s all I could see. There could have been an orgy going on in the background, and I wouldn’t have noticed. I could only see “it”. I immediately closed the picture out of shock, and the first message in response to the picture was already waiting in my inbox. It wasn’t an “awwww cute baby” as you would expect. It simply read, “whoa… sac alert.” ROFL (I love my friends.) That’s exactly what I was thinking, too. That kid’s gonna have a cowboy swagger!

Do you know who the real crooks are in our declining economy? The flower delivery peeps, that’s who!

So let’s get this straight… I can go to the grocery store and buy a beautiful bouquet for under $10… buy a vase for $5… and take it over to the recipient for a few cents in gas. OR I can order flowers through a flower service… pay $40-50 for the same bouquet and vase… add $5 tax… add $5 “handling” fee… add $15 delivery… add another $5 to guarantee that it gets there the day you asked for… and you’re paying $70-80 for $3 worth of flowers. I mean REALLY! No REALLLLLLYYYYYYY… it’s robbery.

And I’m not buying the whole “you’re paying for the convenience” argument. Nobody else charges you for handling equal to the value of the item itself… not even Pottery Barn! (I <3 you, Pottery Barn… ignore my harsh words.) They’ve already inflated the cost of the flowers for the arrangement and grossly adjusted the price to account for the time it takes to throw 12 stems in a vase. I expect to pay tax and a SMALL delivery fee… that’s it… just like pizza… $4 for your trouble.

Would you order pizza if the pizza cost $20 and they wanted another $20 to bring it to you? I think not. The flower peeps are taking advantage of the fact that flowers are gifts for others… and while you’d never waste that kind of money on yourself… you are incredibly cheap and tacky if you won’t do it for your loved ones. And we are the suckers who believe it…

This weekend I finally tackled the horrifying project of cleaning out my bathroom cabinets.  I haven’t done it since I moved in 5 years ago.  LOL  Yeah, that’s bad.  I was expecting to find a lot of expired makeup, lotions, and nail polish.  But I was not prepared for what I discovered deep in the depths under my sink.

Mold?  Blonde hair dye?  A hair ball with a life of its own?  Naked photos stashed away?  All horrifying things… but nothing compared to this…

OMG RUNNNNN!  That’s right… I found a basket full of scrunchies (and various other strange hair doodads)!  Scrunchies!  I mean they were never fashionable, even though they were popular back in the late 80’s/early 90’s.  I can’t believe I ever acquired enough to fill a basket.  I can’t believe I still have them in my possession even if I did end up with them at some point.  No wait… even worse… I can’t believe I paid movers to move a basket of scrunchies to my new house 5 years ago.  I mean wtf was I thinking?  “Hmmmm… these might be worth something one day… I better bring them with me.”  “These would be great to hold my socks up.”  “Who needs chip clips?”  Seriously… what went through my mind?

Fortunately, I am much wiser now and they went straight into the trash without hesitation.  But the spare room closet is next on my organization list… now I’m scared of what might be in there… hold me?

I voted for Obama.  I have hope that he can make some positive changes.  I was happy to see him sworn in today and thought his speech was pretty good.  But I’m a little worried about the Obama-mania.

People seem to worship him, or the idea of him, to the point of utter blindness.  This cannot be good.  YES, we should support him as president.  YES, we are hopeful.  But let’s keep our eyes open.  I think he’s a good man and that he will do his best.  However, I truly believe that there was a greater force behind his successful election to the White House… greater than hopeful voters.  We’re being puppeted… and his popularity will be misused by others.

So, support your president… it’s your civic duty, even if you didn’t vote for him… but don’t be blind to the puppet masters.