The war between Snarky and her Mac has escalated to physical violence… on the part of the Mac.  OK… so maybe I started the fight last year when I would bang the laptop on the desk to get it to power up.  But this is an entirely new laptop… it doesn’t know about my past war crimes.

Anyway… from the very beginning, the Mac has been trying to hurt me.  The edges on this thing are unbelievably sharp, cutting into my wrists all day long.  My friends laughed at me and called me a wimp… they couldn’t possibly imagine that a company would make a computer with razor sharp edges.  Hmmmm… just mine, I suppose.  But I googled it and discovered that many were experiencing the same issue.  In fact, there are even cushion-type products on the market for just this issue.  There wasn’t much I could do, so I covered the edges with sticky notes (classy!) and learned how to type with my wrists in the air a little more.

Today, however, the Mac lashed out at me and actually drew blood!  I was shutting it down and shoving it in my file cabinet for the night, when it actually sliced my finger open.  That bitch!  This wasn’t even caused by the sharp edges… it was something lethal on the outside of the laptop.  Who manufactures these things?  Ginsu?

So I just want you all to know… if my lifeless body is found at work near my desk… it wasn’t suicide… it was the Mac.

I don’t care that your car is “bad ass” bright yellow. I don’t care that you have 22″ rims. I don’t care that your spoiler is almost as high up as your roof. I don’t care that you have a custom paint job (flames, no less). I don’t care that you have a stupid bumper sticker that says, “I don’t discriminate - I hate everyone!” or something just as obnoxious. I don’t care that you have a decal of Calvin peeing on something (what a political statement). ESPECIALLY when said items are on a Chevy Cavalier! *ROFL* Come on! That’s the equivalent of taking a pair of Payless shoes, covering them in glitter, and acting like you’re wearing Manolo Blahniks. Resourceful? Sure. Cool? Never.

Why put such effort and money into a cheap car? I don’t understand it. Like somehow adding these features magically changes the molecules of the car. No, this isn’t a suped up Cavalier… it’s really a Formula One race car… is this what I’m supposed to think? And I’m sure they’ve spent AS MUCH money into the detailing as they did on the actual car. Why not get a cool car to begin with for that amount of money?

Seeing a suped up Cavalier reminds me of when Elizabeth Berkeley’s character in the movie Showgirls dressed herself up in Versace (pronounced VerSASE) after her first big paycheck. She was still a two-bit whore even in an expensive dress.

Most of you know how much I detest Macs. I do not question whether they can do amazing things. My problem lies in the fact that you have to pay three times as much for a Mac as you would for a PC with comparable stats and features. You’re paying for the branding. Also, Mac assumes you are an idiot… but I won’t get into that… today.

Anyway… I’ve been stuck with Mac products for my entire career. My current computer (at work) is the iBook G4. It has a new annoying habit of refusing to start. Each day, I spend a little bit more time trying to get it to start up. First, I get the big black box that says “HA HA… try and restart me” or something like that. Then I restart. Deadzo. Then I restart. Deadzo. Then I restart and get the command prompt. I type in mac-boot and I get the sad Mac icon with the question mark (as if to say “are you talking to me?”). Restart… deadzo… restart… deadzo… restart… mean black box… etc. Eventually… after 10-20 minutes, everything pops up and the thing performs normally. Until today…

I spent over an hour in the mean black box/deadzo/command prompt loop. It REFUSED to start. What’s strange is that it started on the first try for the last two days. It was almost like this vindictive little thing saved up two days of energy to challenge me in an old-fashioned showdown today. After an hour of the loop… I finally unplugged it… picked it up… and gave it a good shake. I plugged everything back in… pressed that bratty white button… and POOF! It started right up! I WON! *blows on her smoking guns*

Something tells me it’s not over…

As a teacher, the debate I constantly find myself in the middle of regards No Child Left Behind. It’s a paradox - it, in fact, leaves a LOT of children behind!

If you are an early learner with average abilities, you are set! If you struggle or are bright… you are left behind. Once you turn 9 or 10… you are left behind. So they need to change the name to “No Average Child between the ages of 5-8 Left Behind”.

NCLB doesn’t take into account socio-economic issues, either. Apparently, children should all learn at the same rate, regardless of any other influences in their lives. That’s news to me. Forget all the research on the culture of poverty and its negative effects on learning… we’re not going to give you money to bring in programs you need to address it… we’re going to punish you instead and take money away! That’ll fix it. Hmmm… “No Average Middle Class Child between the ages of 5-8 Left Behind”

I find it convenient that the span of the NCLB program is 10 years. Just long enough to run into the next president’s term. If it happens to be a Republican (dear God… let’s hope not), they will swiftly change to a new initiative so we forget about NCLB and the fact that students haven’t made “adequate progress”. If it’s a Democrat (go Obama!), the Republicans will quickly point out that education did not meet the standard under the NEW administration (even though it’s Bush’s demon seed).

And the other thing that bothers me is people automatically assume that, because I’m a teacher, I oppose NCLB because I’m being held accountable. I’m all for accountability and being highly qualified… that doesn’t bother me one bit. (Umm… hello? Two master’s degrees, TYVM!) I’m not here to be George W.’s puppet. I don’t care about the tests. I care about the students and what they need… and that will always be my focus. Suck it, George.

You HAVE to visit this site to read a parody called “No Dentist Left Behind”… http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/no-dentist.html

When I’m sick I usually have an abundance of bad dreams and don’t sleep very well as a result.  This morning either my alarm or my kitty (can’t remember which) woke me up right in the middle of a terrible dream.  

All I can recall about the dream was that my love interest and I were fighting for our lives, and he was dying after trying to defend me (hmmm… WoW related? rofl).  Anyway… I woke up just as I was dragging him off somewhere to get help, and I just can’t shake the icky feeling.  It obviously wasn’t a realistic dream, but it shook me. 

I tried to close my eyes for a few minutes and think of happy things.  I fixed some nice healthy oatmeal for breakfast.  I listened to my favorite tunes while I got ready for work… and all the way here.  No luck.  

Now I’m starting my day at work, and I feel broken down already.  My body feels like it actually went through the battle… my spirit is low.  This is not a good way to start my day… especially since I already feel like this place is a war zone at times.  (Not the students, but the adults who work here.)

Why can’t I ever be dreaming of kittens and tulips when the alarm goes off?

*Has the flu… shuffles back to bed to pout and be a baby.*

(Another reason not to travel in the winter. If the lady with SARS coughing up a lung and then shaking my hand in church didn’t do me in… it had to be the guy with bubonic plague sitting next to me on the plane.)

There are some things you can only learn through life experience. In my journeys this week, I have learned several valuable lessons.

1. Beware: Minty/shimmery lipgloss poses a threat to national security. I mean, I always knew it could cause a little trouble… but I had no idea how serious these powers were. I was also pleasantly surprised to learn that placing said lipgloss in a quart-sized baggie will magically eliminate all danger! Whew!

2. Be smart: Never travel anywhere in the winter.

3. Be selfish: Become one of those tools who carries all of their baggage on the airplane. I’ve always loathed these people. They completely slow the boarding process. They clunk you in the head, they knock you in the shins, and they hog all the overhead bins. I now see the need to never let the baggage people get their hands on actual baggage.

4. Be nice: Even in the most frustrating situations, a kind person can make all the difference. With all of our trouble, we met a lot of passengers and employees who were nice, funny, and laid back. The kindness of others really helped to make a stressful situation more tolerable.

5. Be careful: There is no code for “pink” on the lost baggage report form. They will try to label it as “red”, but that’s not going to help anyone find your pink bag in a ginormous pile of luggage.

6. Be resourceful: Even with having access to only my mom’s old lady make-up and hair products, I still managed to look cute. Well, cute enough for the deep woods of Vermont.

Let’s hope the trip home has a lot fewer lessons for me!