I was out with my girlfriends the other night when one of them informed us that her cousin was in the hospital down the road about to pop out a baby. The next morning, we got the email announcing the good news and all the baby’s details. She even attached a picture of the baby… fresh out of the “oven”… ummmmmmmmmm…

Let me just preface this by saying that newborns are not cute… at least not until they’re all cleaned up and had a couple of days to cure. Until then, they are little, red, shriveled-up, angry alien-type things. Sure they’re a blessing and a miracle and blah blah blah… but they’re not pretty… don’t even TRY to tell me otherwise. Why parents insist on inflicting the angry alien pics on others (especially a bunch of single girls who don’t want kids) I will never understand. Give us AND your kid a break. Back to my point… this child was literally JUST born when this picture was snapped… laying there all red and angry and naked on the scale. *shudders*

That’s not even the worst part. When I opened the pic, my eyes were immediately drawn to only one thing… his huge, red, swollen, protruding balls. That’s all I could see. There could have been an orgy going on in the background, and I wouldn’t have noticed. I could only see “it”. I immediately closed the picture out of shock, and the first message in response to the picture was already waiting in my inbox. It wasn’t an “awwww cute baby” as you would expect. It simply read, “whoa… sac alert.” ROFL (I love my friends.) That’s exactly what I was thinking, too. That kid’s gonna have a cowboy swagger!