Why do people subscribe to the paper if they’re too lazy to walk to the end of the driveway to pick it up?  My neighbors always have 8 days of newspapers just sitting there… rotting away…

With all the scandal involved with the New York governors lately, I find myself absolutely mystified by something.  Yes, Eliot Spitzer and David Paterson are pigs for cheating on their wives.  But what really, really baffles me are the wives and their reactions (or lack thereof).  How can they stand next to their husbands and pretend as if everything is ok?  Cheating is a deal-breaker.  How can any self-respecting woman find it acceptable that her husband has cheated on her?  How can the status of being the “governor’s wife” be more important than your self-worth?   I don’t get it.

Which brings me to my next issue… Hillary Clinton.  I will never vote for a Republican president (anyone who cares about the education of our children wouldn’t).  But I cannot bring myself to vote for Hillary either (if that’s who we’re left with).  She’s got some interesting views… she’s an eloquent speaker.  But I cannot forget the Monica Lewinsky scandal… and how Hillary stood by her man through it.  This doesn’t make her a strong woman to me… it makes her weak… it makes her a puppet.  She should have been throwing Bill’s skid-marked underwear out on the White House lawn instead of making excuses for him.  The thing is, it probably killed her to support him… but she did… she played the game.

And that’s where I have the problem… choosing the game over yourself.

I took my class on a field trip last week.  One of my all time favorite trips to go on… and the kids always love it too.  Of course, I always allow a few parents to come along.  This is more for the parent/child bonding experience than for help for the teacher.  I think you’ll see why after you hear some of my chaperone stories…

Last week, when we got to the nature center portion of our trip, the guide brought out a bunch of animals that are native to the area.  As soon as the guide mentioned the word snake, I had one mom squealing at the top of her lungs and rushing over to me.  I was sitting on a bench and she came over and cuddled up to me and whimpered constantly throughout the whole snake presentation.  When the guide mentioned bringing the snake around for the kids to touch it, this mom went into absolute hysterics… worked her way BEHIND me and was practically in tears.

I once had a father “screen talk” all the way through a STAGE production to the point where I got in trouble with the ushers.   Then there was a mom who left her group of kids to explore on their own while she took a smoke break at the pumpkin patch.  My favorite was the mom who showed up drunk at 9 in the morning to chaperone.  I had to bring the art teacher with us to chaperone HER.

I could go on and on with scary tales of field trip chaperones.  I’ve had some really great chaperones as well… you just never know what you will get, so I prefer to play it safe.  Needless to say, NOW we only go on trips that keep us together as a class so I can keep an eye on everyone. *winks*

We’ve spent a lot of time discussing presidential candidates and primaries. But there’s a part of our democratic society that we don’t hear a lot about… the town meeting.

My parents live in a rural part of Vermont… one of those towns they could easily make a tv series about. It’s filled with unique characters and oddities. Last week was their town meeting day. Once a year they close down the school, businesses, etc. to hold a town meeting in the school’s gym. The whole town attends the meeting. They cover every topic from how much to charge for a pet license to choosing a new school board member and local officials. The best part about it is, everyone feels comfortable to just stand up and share how they feel about any issue. And they do. (Which is also quite entertaining at times). There is no behind-the-scenes deals or spin doctoring… they just get together & discuss how the issues… and if there’s disagreement they put it to a paper vote. (I’m sure that you’ve heard about the two towns in Vermont that decided they would arrest Bush and Cheney for violating the constitution. I love this…)

I used to laugh at the whole event… thinking it was antiquated. Now I’m wondering if they’ve got it all figured out. I realize many towns are too large to have a town meeting, and it certainly wouldn’t be possible on a national scale. But I’m sure there are many ways to simplify some government practices and decision-making. And surely simplifying and purifying things would help eliminate *some* of the shady political practices. I think maybe they keep things as complicated as possible to keep us “dumb” Americans out of it all. And we’ve let them. They know what’s best for us and we’re too dumb to know better.  And many of us seem happy to live under this delusion…

Is there something wrong with being informed and involved citizens?

I don’t care that your car is “bad ass” bright yellow. I don’t care that you have 22″ rims. I don’t care that your spoiler is almost as high up as your roof. I don’t care that you have a custom paint job (flames, no less). I don’t care that you have a stupid bumper sticker that says, “I don’t discriminate - I hate everyone!” or something just as obnoxious. I don’t care that you have a decal of Calvin peeing on something (what a political statement). ESPECIALLY when said items are on a Chevy Cavalier! *ROFL* Come on! That’s the equivalent of taking a pair of Payless shoes, covering them in glitter, and acting like you’re wearing Manolo Blahniks. Resourceful? Sure. Cool? Never.

Why put such effort and money into a cheap car? I don’t understand it. Like somehow adding these features magically changes the molecules of the car. No, this isn’t a suped up Cavalier… it’s really a Formula One race car… is this what I’m supposed to think? And I’m sure they’ve spent AS MUCH money into the detailing as they did on the actual car. Why not get a cool car to begin with for that amount of money?

Seeing a suped up Cavalier reminds me of when Elizabeth Berkeley’s character in the movie Showgirls dressed herself up in Versace (pronounced VerSASE) after her first big paycheck. She was still a two-bit whore even in an expensive dress.

Shamrock Shake FTW!

Is it Spring yet?? I’m ready for birds and grass and rain and tulips and open windows!

This is a public service announcement for all of you drive-thru abusers from the rest of us (who quietly hate you). The point of the drive-thru is to receive quick and speedy service. More times than not, the drive-thru does not meet this expectation because of all the high maintenance abusers out there. Not everyone belongs in the drive-thru line. The following is a guideline to help you decide whether you belong there:

* You must know what you are going to order before you get to the speaker. The menu is a distraction to get you to order more than what you came for… don’t fall for it.

* You are limited to one special instruction per order. For instance “cheeseburger, no pickles” is fine where “cheeseburger, no pickles, extra mayo” is not acceptable. (Note: One special instruction per order… not per sandwich!)

* The more you are ordering, the more simple your ordering should be.

* In general, your order should be verbalized in 30 seconds or less… any more than this means you need special attention inside.

* Do not wait for them to say, “Is that all?” between each item.

* You may not ask questions.

* You may not change your order.

* You must have your money ready when you approach the window. They tell you your total ahead of time for a reason!

* You may not pay with a credit card. (Come on… if you don’t have $5 on you… perhaps you should be at home eating Ramen noodles instead.)

* You must pay attention and keep your car within 2 feet of the car in front of you at all times. This is not the time to clean out your car or balance your checkbook.

* After receiving your order, PULL AHEAD. Do not make us all wait while you put your straw in your drink and rearrange your cd collection.

Following these simple guidelines will help keep that line moving quickly… and will keep random drive-thru customers from secretly loathing your existence. *winks*