Snarky Kitten

Top 10 Things I Discovered While Visiting the Family May 31, 2008

10. TSA is quite easy to fool. I smuggled a tube of that “oh-so-dangerous” lip gloss from Christmas through security in my pocket. HA! Quart-sized bag, my ass!

9. Playing “name that animal” gets a little old after being woken up by something howling outside my window every morning at 6. One day it was turkeys… one day a coyote… never did figure it out the last morning. I SWEAR it was a bear!

8. It doesn’t matter where or when… you cannot enter a Wal-Mart without being assaulted by the sounds of a screaming child. through. the. whole. store.

7. When my sister doesn’t bring the kids, I actually get treated like a human and get to sleep in a REAL BED! Not a fold-up couch contraption, not a cot, not a blow up thingy… a real bed! *feels special*

6. I got caught up on the latest issue of Betty & Veronica’s Double Digest. I was desperate for reading material… but I have always loved Archie comics. For those of you who care… there’s a new girl in town and you get to vote on who you think her boyfriend should be online! ROFL

5. I learned that a “little hike” to my uncle actually means a 6 mile trek up Mount Martha. Never again.

4. My family has horrible taste in television shows. Seriously… I’m going to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon the next time I’m subjected to a conversation about Dancing with the Stars.

3. I’m becoming more and more like my dad… it’s scary. At least it’s not my mom, though! LOL

2. Chicago has the worst travel weather in the world. It doesn’t matter what time of year… you will always be stuck in an airport waiting for a storm system to pass. Always.

1. I got to check out my burial plot in the family cemetary… can’t think of a better way to spend the afternoon. I’m thinking a little Hello Kitty motif on the headstone might be fitting. “Here lies Snarky Kitten… get off me.”

Out of the Mouths of Babes May 16, 2008

My students have been researching an animal of their choice and using the information to plan and write an expository piece.  I have some really great writers who have done a great job with the project.  They’re writing paragraphs and paragraphs for me.  They’ve loved the quest for info and the independence of it all… they feel very “grown up”.  One of my more needy students was very proud of himself when he showed me his first draft today.  And really, he should be… he’s made a lot of progress this year.  (Still a long way to go..)

Anyway… he wrote the following piece entitled “beers”:

beers live in the forest.  beers are brown and white.  beers eat plants.  beers make babies.  i like beers.

Of course, I giggled to myself right at the title.  Clearly this child knows his audience… his teacher really likes beers.  LOL  Anyway… he was actually writing about deer.  He gets his d’s turned around a lot.  So the whole notion of beers living in the forest etc. really cracked me up.  (And LOL @ “i like beers.”)

But the part that has had me laughing allllllllll day is, “beers make babies.”  ROFL  Ain’t that the truth!  A wise warning from an unexpected source!

Where’s Snarky? May 14, 2008

YES! I’m still alive! A few updates for this random post (kind of a month’s worth of posts in one):

1. Although I’ve done MORE than my fair share of whining in the last month, I have managed to survive the rib incident (shhhh… let’s not talk about it). I’m feeling much, much better… and best of all, I can sleep again! (Most nights I spent whimpering to myself until the drugs finally knocked me out! LOL)

2. My work-issued iBook finally bit the dust. Not sure who really won the battle. I lost everything on it! (Insert hind-sighted advice on backing up files here.) But really… no big loss. Glad to be rid of the beast… my nemesis… hmmm… maybe I won?

3. I finally hit 70 a longggg time ago in Warcraft. At first I thought “then what?”… but I’m finding there’s so much more to the game once you get to 70. Too much, really. LOL Although the new stuff is fun, I do miss the old questing days, too. *tear*

4. April was a very fun month as anticipated… it’s a good thing birthdays are only once a year.

5. My partner in crime at work and I came up with a brilliant idea to get rich quick. We’re looking for investors if you have a little extra cash! LOL Keep in mind this brilliant idea came after we both had several popsicles… and the shakes were setting in. Let’s just say I’d like to put two good things together… popsicles and liquor! (I really didn’t learn my lesson from the rib incident, did I?)

6. 15 days of school left! Summer here I come!

Now to attend to a month’s worth of stuff that I’ve been ignoring… *sigh*

Road Trip! April 20, 2008

Gas for 6 hour drive to Ohio… $100

Purchases at outlet mall (Pottery Barn, White House Black Market, Coach, etc.)… $750 (and a security call from Mastercard)

Dinner out… $150

Hotel room… $100

Cocktails for hotel room… $50

Drunken fall on a slippery bathroom floor (and earning the new nickname “Riblet”)… 2 cracked ribs

Road trip with the girls… priceless!

Happy Birthday, Cupcake! April 3, 2008

LOL… couldn’t resist a little birthday post. I was actually going to restyle the whole blog page for the month (yes, I celebrate my birthday for entire month of April)! I stumbled on a pic of this cupcake and had to post it. Not only is it a yummy birthday treat, but everything about this cupcake is me… that mischievous wink… sipping on a cocktail (perhaps a margarita even)… kicking back on the beach… surrounded by sugary goodness… heaven!

I love having my birthday in April. Spring is in the air… and all of a sudden everybody wants to make plans to catch up on all that we didn’t do over the winter. Especially me! So I’ve got a ton of plans in April… after work dinner and drinks… nights on the town… shopping… road trips… etc. etc. Only a couple of these things are actually birthday-related… but I love to live under the delusion that the month of April is all about me! LOL

So after a long winter of being a self-imposed hermit, I’m looking forward to spring… refreshing, busy spring!

Stand By Your Man March 22, 2008

With all the scandal involved with the New York governors lately, I find myself absolutely mystified by something.  Yes, Eliot Spitzer and David Paterson are pigs for cheating on their wives.  But what really, really baffles me are the wives and their reactions (or lack thereof).  How can they stand next to their husbands and pretend as if everything is ok?  Cheating is a deal-breaker.  How can any self-respecting woman find it acceptable that her husband has cheated on her?  How can the status of being the “governor’s wife” be more important than your self-worth?   I don’t get it.

Which brings me to my next issue… Hillary Clinton.  I will never vote for a Republican president (anyone who cares about the education of our children wouldn’t).  But I cannot bring myself to vote for Hillary either (if that’s who we’re left with).  She’s got some interesting views… she’s an eloquent speaker.  But I cannot forget the Monica Lewinsky scandal… and how Hillary stood by her man through it.  This doesn’t make her a strong woman to me… it makes her weak… it makes her a puppet.  She should have been throwing Bill’s skid-marked underwear out on the White House lawn instead of making excuses for him.  The thing is, it probably killed her to support him… but she did… she played the game.

And that’s where I have the problem… choosing the game over yourself.

Can I Get a Chaperone for the Chaperones? March 13, 2008

I took my class on a field trip last week.  One of my all time favorite trips to go on… and the kids always love it too.  Of course, I always allow a few parents to come along.  This is more for the parent/child bonding experience than for help for the teacher.  I think you’ll see why after you hear some of my chaperone stories…

Last week, when we got to the nature center portion of our trip, the guide brought out a bunch of animals that are native to the area.  As soon as the guide mentioned the word snake, I had one mom squealing at the top of her lungs and rushing over to me.  I was sitting on a bench and she came over and cuddled up to me and whimpered constantly throughout the whole snake presentation.  When the guide mentioned bringing the snake around for the kids to touch it, this mom went into absolute hysterics… worked her way BEHIND me and was practically in tears.

I once had a father “screen talk” all the way through a STAGE production to the point where I got in trouble with the ushers.   Then there was a mom who left her group of kids to explore on their own while she took a smoke break at the pumpkin patch.  My favorite was the mom who showed up drunk at 9 in the morning to chaperone.  I had to bring the art teacher with us to chaperone HER.

I could go on and on with scary tales of field trip chaperones.  I’ve had some really great chaperones as well… you just never know what you will get, so I prefer to play it safe.  Needless to say, NOW we only go on trips that keep us together as a class so I can keep an eye on everyone. *winks*

The Town Meeting

We’ve spent a lot of time discussing presidential candidates and primaries. But there’s a part of our democratic society that we don’t hear a lot about… the town meeting.

My parents live in a rural part of Vermont… one of those towns they could easily make a tv series about. It’s filled with unique characters and oddities. Last week was their town meeting day. Once a year they close down the school, businesses, etc. to hold a town meeting in the school’s gym. The whole town attends the meeting. They cover every topic from how much to charge for a pet license to choosing a new school board member and local officials. The best part about it is, everyone feels comfortable to just stand up and share how they feel about any issue. And they do. (Which is also quite entertaining at times). There is no behind-the-scenes deals or spin doctoring… they just get together & discuss how the issues… and if there’s disagreement they put it to a paper vote. (I’m sure that you’ve heard about the two towns in Vermont that decided they would arrest Bush and Cheney for violating the constitution. I love this…)

I used to laugh at the whole event… thinking it was antiquated. Now I’m wondering if they’ve got it all figured out. I realize many towns are too large to have a town meeting, and it certainly wouldn’t be possible on a national scale. But I’m sure there are many ways to simplify some government practices and decision-making. And surely simplifying and purifying things would help eliminate *some* of the shady political practices. I think maybe they keep things as complicated as possible to keep us “dumb” Americans out of it all. And we’ve let them. They know what’s best for us and we’re too dumb to know better.  And many of us seem happy to live under this delusion…

Is there something wrong with being informed and involved citizens?

Who You Crappin’? March 4, 2008

I don’t care that your car is “bad ass” bright yellow. I don’t care that you have 22″ rims. I don’t care that your spoiler is almost as high up as your roof. I don’t care that you have a custom paint job (flames, no less). I don’t care that you have a stupid bumper sticker that says, “I don’t discriminate - I hate everyone!” or something just as obnoxious. I don’t care that you have a decal of Calvin peeing on something (what a political statement). ESPECIALLY when said items are on a Chevy Cavalier! *ROFL* Come on! That’s the equivalent of taking a pair of Payless shoes, covering them in glitter, and acting like you’re wearing Manolo Blahniks. Resourceful? Sure. Cool? Never.

Why put such effort and money into a cheap car? I don’t understand it. Like somehow adding these features magically changes the molecules of the car. No, this isn’t a suped up Cavalier… it’s really a Formula One race car… is this what I’m supposed to think? And I’m sure they’ve spent AS MUCH money into the detailing as they did on the actual car. Why not get a cool car to begin with for that amount of money?

Seeing a suped up Cavalier reminds me of when Elizabeth Berkeley’s character in the movie Showgirls dressed herself up in Versace (pronounced VerSASE) after her first big paycheck. She was still a two-bit whore even in an expensive dress.

Snarky Kitten’s Guide to Drive-Thru Etiquette March 1, 2008

This is a public service announcement for all of you drive-thru abusers from the rest of us (who quietly hate you). The point of the drive-thru is to receive quick and speedy service. More times than not, the drive-thru does not meet this expectation because of all the high maintenance abusers out there. Not everyone belongs in the drive-thru line. The following is a guideline to help you decide whether you belong there:

* You must know what you are going to order before you get to the speaker. The menu is a distraction to get you to order more than what you came for… don’t fall for it.

* You are limited to one special instruction per order. For instance “cheeseburger, no pickles” is fine where “cheeseburger, no pickles, extra mayo” is not acceptable. (Note: One special instruction per order… not per sandwich!)

* The more you are ordering, the more simple your ordering should be.

* In general, your order should be verbalized in 30 seconds or less… any more than this means you need special attention inside.

* Do not wait for them to say, “Is that all?” between each item.

* You may not ask questions.

* You may not change your order.

* You must have your money ready when you approach the window. They tell you your total ahead of time for a reason!

* You may not pay with a credit card. (Come on… if you don’t have $5 on you… perhaps you should be at home eating Ramen noodles instead.)

* You must pay attention and keep your car within 2 feet of the car in front of you at all times. This is not the time to clean out your car or balance your checkbook.

* After receiving your order, PULL AHEAD. Do not make us all wait while you put your straw in your drink and rearrange your cd collection.

Following these simple guidelines will help keep that line moving quickly… and will keep random drive-thru customers from secretly loathing your existence. *winks*